Maddox's Fashion Tips for Women

I just read Maddox's (not most) recent article regarding his fashion tips for women. It was sensible. It was funny of course but what was even more funny is that it actually and seriously made sense.

* Crocs look like shit and they make your feet smell.
You have to admit that this is true. I can't imagine how someone's feet would smell after walking around in crocs for a whole day. And they truly CANNOT complement anything you're wearing. Compare these
against THESE
Now THAT's a cool shoe. It has purpose and it has style. And yep, that's what I'm wearing.

What happens when it rains?! you ask. Don't be stupid. I live in the Philippines. I won't wear these beautiful shoes in the rain. Duh. I wear may "rain shoes". I bought my pair for Php200 - then I got another pair for free. Oh yeah! 2 Pairs of rain shoes for Php200. And they're not so bad.
But they're not that brand. Those are too expensive. They actually look like a pirate of one of those expensive plastic sandals, I forgot the brand. I'd let you know when I see it in the mall, and I might just post a picture.

Moving on

*Red lipstick makes you look like a clown
I do not agree with that statement. Even if I don't own a red lipstick because the color looks hideous ON ME. I am in awe at people who DO pull them off. (Please ask your mother if the color looks good on you, don't test drive it in the mall - yes, your mother will tell you the truth).

However, I do agree that there are a ridiculous bunch of lip colors in the market. A big chunk of those LOOK THE SAME TO ME! Just because they have different color names, doesn't make them different in color. I guess that's why I actually enjoy shopping for make up in Penshoppe. They have two cheek tint colors: pink and violet. See? Nothing vague about those colors right? (You see, pink looks good for people with white or yellow skin, violet looks better on darker skin tones).

*You are not a Cuban dictator
I agree. You are NOT a Cuban dictator so stop wearing Fidel Castro hats. Actually, stop wearing hats when you don't need them. They don't look cool. They hide your face. If THAT is actually your intention, wear a paper bag over your head, that's more effective. And besides, your head smells awful after a couple of hours (reminder, I live in the Philippines, a tropic country).

Oh and there is another ridiculous thing about these hat-wearers. They hate it when you touch their hair when they take their hats off. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT? You'd wear your hat again anyway, so why not let us touch it? It looks funny after you've worn your hat for so long, OF COURSE we'd be curious how it feels. We're thinking that it's stiff, like you put on gel or something, and we want to test that inference. Or maybe you KNOW your head stinks and that's why you don't want us to touch it. Hmmm... that makes sense. Disgusting... but sensible.

*Self-aggrandizing "hottie" shirts make you look like a bitch
Yep, they do. If you're hot and you TELL the world about it, it makes you less hot. Why not let other people judge? If you are, then you ARE. If you're NOT, a shirt wouldn't make you one. Get it??

*This [flowing blouse] makes you look pregnant
That is one fashion tip I would have to trash. Girls KNOW where the style came from, we actually know that pregnant women used to be the only ones who wore them. We KNOW why we like them. They DO hide our figure. THAT'S THE POINT. Hiding one's figure has two effects: (1) If you have a non-model-like tummy, you get to conceal it, and (2) If you do have a good figure, it would still SHOW through the loose blouse. It even makes you look sexier because it SUGGESTS a good figure --> and letting your audience IMAGINE what's underneath gives you the sexy aura.

We know that tight fitting shirts are good. But for us who don't have those model-tummies, we try to avoid them. They're not the comfortable. You could only imagine. If you can't try one on.


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